What I'd like for my birthday - a Pensieve

I love to write. Be it a simple note or an e-chat with a friend. The process is akin to both catharsis and exorcism to me.

I go into thought-overload which in turn leads to insomnia if I don’t write the stuff in my head down. So I have written many a list of things to do, places to go, issues I want to see solved and people I'd like to meet.

I've also used an exercise where I fill a page with all the words that enter my head, and once I'm done with it I sleep like a log. It's like I need a pensieve, but since I cant borrow Dumbledore's, I use my own pen and paper.

Many have asked me why i don’t maintain a diary. Well I do actually but it rarely says anything that's mine. I put down my thoughts in the words of others…. Weird, isn’t it?

Everybody has said something along the lines of what you are thinking. Thoughts come around in a constant circle, because our lives seem different but yet the basic grain or should I say the underlying note is the same.

Anne Frank says it better in her diary

"We all live with the objective of being happy. Our lives are all different and yet the same".

There you go. She's saying exactly what I was thinking.

There is a website for quotes that I believe is aptly named. It's called "Think exist." Meaning it has quotes from people who're saying the same thing you are meaning to say.

But does it kill my creativity? Am I blocking the flow of my own creative juices by hiding behind the word-cloak of others.

The Freudian thinkers would possibly conclude that I have an inferiority complex which makes me think I'm not good enough and that’s why I use other popular people opinions to substantiate what I'm trying to say.

But that doesn’t hold true because I can always speak my mind and always have. It is just that writing it down … well is something I avoid.

Maybe it is because I am daunted by the task after having read so many proven authors.

But I also think it is because of all these rules that I've come to see are used to judge your writing.

When I was more naïve, I thought writing was a free-flow process where you write what you think and mean what you write.

But now I've found that many writers don't even know where they're headed when they're writing…not that I always have it all laid out.

But the idea of making my mind obey certain technicalities or must I say rules, like the iambic pentameter, trochaic pentameter, the petrarchan sonnet or the fibonacci sonnet makes it too much of a mechanical and mathematical process for free thought.

I guess the mechanics would help if I were stuck and didn't know how to move forward but even then I don’t know if I'd want to conform.

Always been a rebel.